bed time for one
I can never stop shaking. I can never, I can never, Never. I can never stopshaking. I shake when I read. I shake. I do not like reading aloud. I do not like reading aloud in front of people. People frighten me. I do not like social gatherings. I do not like events. GLASSLANDS. I wrote one of the stories I read while I was sitting on a couch waiting to read.
After I read people started to come up to me so they could tell me how much they liked my reading. I hate when people say this. I don’t think they like it. They like this line “Gloria was the first girl he had had anal sex with. Gloria had had anal sex with a lot of people.” One person told me he really liked the stories and they reminded him of a book he had just read by Charles Bukowski. I hate Charles Bukowski. I hate when people compare any piece of work created by one person to a piece of work created by another person. I hate people. Another person told me they really liked the stories and felt very connected to them, like they, like knew what the characters were doing, like it seemed so real. Well fuck this is a real story. I, me, I this happened. The he told me I could probably get published because the writing had a lot of pop to it, I mean it was pop. I mean I didn’t understand what the fuck he was trying to say.
Tiffany and Ellen came with me. Robby was there when we got there. Tiffany was talking to people. Tiffany is good at talking to people. She can talk to anyone, boys love her, She can flirt and talk. Ellen was talking. They had drinks. I can’t have drinks on my medication because I could die. I wasn’t drunk. I can’t talk to people because I could die. I felt weird. I felt stupid. No boys talked to me. No boys said “you are so incredibly drop dead gorgeous. I found a staircase and walked up it. GLASSLANDS had a small balcony area with a little couch. I sat on the couch. I lay down on the couch. I stared at the glasslands ceiling. I pointed out shapes I saw in the rust. A fat man, the letter C on it’s side, a lobster. Two people walked up the stairs and past the little couch I was sitting on. They began to make out. I sat 5 feet away from them. They made out and put their hands on each others asses. The girl slid her hands in the boys pants. He took her boobs out of her shirt and touched them. I sat 5 feet away from them. I stared at them. It was fun to watch. I watched them. I watched them for 10 minutes. Then they moved backwards closer to the wall. I couldn’t see them as well. I stood up and moved to watch them. The boy had his pants unzipped. The girl had her skirt pulled up. The boy was fucking the girl against the wall. I watched them fuck. I tried to take a picture with my cell phone. It was to dark to take a picture. I walked downstairs.
Tommy was there. Tommy is Tiffany’s boyfriend. I walked home. It was snowing. I thought about the last time I had sex. I thought about the last time I made out. They are the same time. The same time over a month ago. I thought about having sex. A dick going inside you is a strange thing to think about. I pictured the boy I had sex with. I thought he really liked me. I only have sex with people I really like. They are people I think I will be with forever. We will date and get married. He didn’t really like me. I decided it was true that I will never have sex again. I hate having sex.
I got home. At 4 am a text message woke me up. It was Tiffany. Ellen and Robby had taken her car to the store to get beer. They had been gone over 40 minutes. They were not answering their phones. I thought they died. I usually think people have died when they don’t pick up their phones. I called the EMT hotline. I thought they got in a car accident. It was snowing they must be in a car accident. They told me to call the local hospitals. I called the local hospitals. No one had any ER patients under those names. Tiffany messaged me again an hour later. They were in central park. Ellen text messaged me the next day. They were in central park making out in Tiffany’s car. They were in central park making out in the snow.
I wondered if they had sex.
